Shadow Of A Memory
by Subtle Shenanigans
Summary: Just some Jay X Half Moon. rated k-plus, kinda angsty but ends well. R and R please, UNBETA'D. (Eloquence #2)


**A/N: Meh, Jay X Half Moon requested, Jay X Half Moon served. Thanks to all who reviewed on** _ **This Fading Moment : An Echo Of Us**_ **, this takes place sometime before. Randomness; IF I wrote a poem again (I write Author's Notes before I write "chapters") then, well, 'TIS MINE. Also, this was randomly cooked up.**

 **I have an idea for a one-shot series. It's called "The Forbidden". After Jay's Wing left the mountain for the (Cannonized) second time, Half Moon discovers she's pregnant. Rock comes and tells her that she cannot raise her kit and be Stoneteller, but he can do something for her; bring the kit to Jay's Wing's time for him to find and raise. He does so, unaware she's his daughter. Her name is Wolfkit/paw (Mountain name would be Wolf Song or Wolf That Sings At Dawn). As she grows up she calls him Jayf'er ("My names Jay** _ **feather**_ **not 'Jayfur'." "Jayf'er!" *sigh*). There's also Tanglekit/paw, the son of Dovewing and Tigerheart who is raised in Thunderclan and as an apprentice told who his parents are (BRAMBLESTAR'S STORM SPOILER: Dovewing and Bumblestripe broke up, thank goodness; I have nothing against Bumble, I just don't think the ship works very good). Then there's Fox Shadow; a tom wandering the tunnels, the son of Fallen Leaves and Hollyleaf who** _ **can't**_ **exist, can he? So, er, yeah.**

 **EDIT: I just realized how angsty this ended up being…**

 **Freaking Breezepelt -_-.**

 **Ashheart and Moonpaw(/willow) are Lionblaze/Cinderheart's first litter that I made back during** _ **Night Whispers**_ **; OCs.**

 **Awkwardly puts disclaimer below.**

 **DISCLAIMER:** ***Throws confetti* Not Mine! (at least, not the cannon chars. nor Warriors world).**

 _Shadows Of A Memory_

Sometimes she came back.

He could feel her presence like he could feel the wind; fleeting and real, yet not really there. The sun shone through his weariness, then disappeared as the chilling rain set in. Loss and remembrance, their balance despised and craved. It hurt him so much.

Jayfeather never knew, nor did he imagine, he would ever find love. He wasn't that kind of cat; he was the cranky cat whose destiny was chosen for him, and that he was forced to endure. He had power that no cat could share with him, except his now-brother and once-sister. Even as Jay's Wing (a life that still didn't come back fully, but what did was distorted and hazy) he had never thought it possible. But it was true, and real, and more wonderful than he had ever imagined.

And it still hurt too much.

The moment he had run out of the tunnels, his vision like the clearest Greenleaf day, he knew things were different. It was all _familiar_. He had realised his request to understand the ancients had been granted, but not what it really meant. Not at the time. Then he saw her.

Green eyes like the season.

Fur white as the moon.

And the lightning that had surged between them.

He felt as though he were about to be knocked off his paws, the feeling so strong. It had baffled him, intrigued him, and scared him. He hadn't known - _couldn't_ have known - when his life had been so set in stone that he had avoided everything but family. Even friendships.

He thought it had been friendship at first.

But no, later when Rock (even if he denies), Briarlight, Cinderheart, and even Yellowfang to some extent, had become his friends, he realized how wrong he'd been. When he left the first time he knew his first assumption had been wrong. But as he grew older, made some friends, he only realized even more.

 _She loves me…_

 _...or at least the cat she thinks I am._

But he _was_ Jay's Wing; not an echo, nor a copy. They were the same cat, faded through time. She loved him as Jay's Wing as well as Jayfeather. That made swell with love and warmth, but feel the loss even more.

 _First, away from the lake. A backward glance as they left the only home they knew; he ached with longing, to go with them because he felt he_ belonged _and the only thing worse was leaving Half Moon. Would it hurt her the same way? And he realized it would - worse, even. She wouldn't know what became of him. And that was a final blow to his heart, making him collapse inside himself. He didn't think anything could hurt worse. But he knew he had to get over it, had to be strong. His brother and sister, other parts of 'The Three' waited for him._

But he had been wrong.

 _Going back, even though unintentionally, stabbed him deeper. He became attached. They played among stone forests, in their own world where their hearts could belong to one another, carefree as kits. He taught them to hunt, her laugh echoing as he fell into a snowdrift. He grown attached to_ her _and to_ them _. He felt he could live here, even if he missed Lionblaze and Hollyleaf, though they hadn't been born yet. He could live with that knowledge, and though in pain, still happy. Because he had Half Moon._

 _Then Rock had to ruin it all._

 _He had to leave her a second time; she had been angry when he tried to explain. When she had begun to understand, knew it couldn't be changed, she had forgiven him. And he didn't deserve that. Not after what he was doing to her. But then she said those words, the thing that kept him going in a place - in a time - without her._

" _I will wait for you fore_ ver - Jay's Wing."

The gray tabby was startled out of sleep when he heard those words echoed for the first, yet millionth, time. He lifted his head and tasted the air, picking up traces of her scent.

"A dream? Or were you here?" Jayfeather muttered, his blind blue eyes narrowed.

Briarlight lifted her head sleepily, yawning, "Jayfeather? Is something up? Some cat didn't get injured - did they?"

Snapped out of his thoughts, Jayfeather jerked his head towards Briarlight and looked at her with eerie accuracy. He blinked sleepily; it had to be around Moonhigh. "Sorry Briarlight; nothing's up. Just a dream."

The brown she-cat had already started to drift off, grunting something incomprehensible. Jayfeather, too, was beginning to fade into slumber, when he felt a presence beside him, and a voice breathed into his ear.

" _Go to sleep, my love. I will always be here; especially when you need me… "_

 **LINE BREAK LINE BREAK LINE BREAK LINE BREAK LINE BREAK**

She was there, when he felt that it was too much or he wouldn't be able to go on.

When a cat was so injured that blood seeped through cobwebs and stained the dirt, a voice would guide nimble paws with encouraging words. When one was lost, soothing condolences and gentle reprimanding when he blamed himself.

" _Briarpaw!"_

" _Why couldn't you save her; call yourself a medicine cat?!"_

" _Half-clan cat; probably killing his clanmates on purpose…"_

She helped him think clearly, to realize nothing else could have been done. Her words were added to those of the other medicine cats, but he listened to her more.

Sometimes she would tease a cat he was working on; calling warriors 'kits', pointing out the idiocy of apprentices. She even poked fun at Bramblestar. He would hold back a chuckle, smiling wryly. Sometimes he would repeat something she said, earning looks of false offence from his patients.

" _I swear, Moonpaw, your brother thinks he's Lionblaze; get me some comfrey, would you?"_

" _And Ashheart; just because your father is practically invincible doesn't mean you inherited it. Now, stay off that paw for the next few days…"_

He alternated like the seasons; a heart warm and happy like Newleaf and Greenleaf, that soon became dreary and heavy like the clouds and rain of Leaf-fall and Leaf-bare. One day the sun couldn't be brighter, and others nothing could go right. But if she wasn't there, even as a shadow of a memory, he wouldn't be able to be as strong as he was now. He would be leaves withering in frost.

These thoughts came to him as he sat at a gathering; Rowanstar was announcing new kits in his clan. He felt her presence beside him, could imagine her moon-white pelt leaning against his gray tabby. In his mind her green eyes sparkled from the full moon. She shifted slightly, and he breathed out a question that only they could hear.

"Do you still wish we could have had kits?"

" _Every day, my love,"_ she whispered back. _"Every day. But I wouldn't change a single moment we had together - nor will have."_

A comfortable silence blanketed them, Rowanstar's droning in the background. He closed his eyes, and breathed in her scent. He spoke quietly once more, not a trace of regret or pain in his voice. He glanced at her, his jay-blue eyes filled with love, and said:

"Neiter would I."

 _A memory, subtle memory,_

 _Echoed in my head._

 _Loved one, never fear,_

 _I'll love you, even dead._

 _Shadow of a memory,_

 _blanket me in rest;_

 _I want to remember_

 _our time at its best._

 _Seasons since our memories_

 _Had been laid to rest,_

 _With only one to remember by,_

 _I promise I'll try my best._

 _Shadow of a memory,_

 _in such waning light,_

 _pain stay in companionship_

 _So the best may stay bright._


End file.
